https://www.quora.com/How-do-I-know-if-Im-toxic
How do I know if I'm toxic?
Josephine Dahl
Josephine Dahl, Designer at Self-Employment (2017-present)
You are a toxic person if you have these traits (did not include verbal or physical abuse as that's a given):
Expect people to do things for you just because you want them to
Expect people to change for you because you want them to
Hold people responsible for things in YOUR life that is YOUR responsibility
If you "vent" a lot, dumping your emotional garbage on to others, and draining them of energy
If you gossip or criticise a lot
If you talk about other peoples problems or personal stuff when they are not around, and have not given you permission to do so
If you are ruining the mood of others because you are in a bad mood and can't keep it to yourself
If you guilt trip others to get your way
Being jelaous of someones succsess, looks, friendships or achievements
Trying to control others by telling them what kind of hair they should have, or clothes, what to eat, who they shouldn't hang out with etc..
Being manipulative
Needs to be everyones center of attention
Getting hurt or upset all the time for the smallest slight
Always giving your opinion but wont listen to others
Moaning a lot about how you always do this and that but never get anything back
Being passive agressive
Causing unnecessary drama out of boredom or attention seeking
Giving the silent treatment
Always think you know best, even about subjects that others know more about
Getting upset because people have other opinions, wants and needs
Giving ultimatums
Being negative
Bragging a lot about yourself, but wont acknowledge/ or undermining someone else's achievements
If you feel this could be you, or someone pointed out these things to you before, you need to take a honest look at yourself and question:
Am I a drama queen?
Am I often negative?
Do I feel bad when other people are happier, more successful, more good looking than me?
Do I always have to be right about things and hate it when someone else corrects me?
If you answered yes, then you could possibly be the toxic person, knowing or unknowingly. Maybe someone in your life is behaving like this towards you? Sometimes a toxic person like this is a Narcissist, sometimes they are just the result of growing up in a toxic environment. With introspection, empathy and understanding it is possible to change. But there can be no change without taking responsibility first, and toxic people do not like responsibility.
If you tried to reach out to someone like this and they are unwilling improve, then the most loving thing is somethimes just to leave. Staying with a toxic person enables their behavior and it hurts your mental and emotional health at the same time.
If the toxic person is abandoned by a loved one or a close friend, that experience might force them to wake up and realize how they have been behaving. In some cases, people will just never change and you will be better off filling that space with someone caring, empathetic and positive. Someone that loves you is not supposed to make you feel bad.
Some people mentioned depression. As I said, this is a gross misconception. People that suffered from depression are often the most humble and caring people in this world because they know suffering.
[Disclaimer] Some people have gotten upset by this post because they mean that everyone are toxic. No, they really are not. Yes, you can occasionally have one or a few traits that show up in bad times because you havent worked them out yet, but I am not talking about occassionally, I'm talking about "this is their personality". How they behave most of the time. We all know people like this. Emotional vampires, narcissists and psychopaths.. etc.
Some of you have said that these are symptoms of depression. Remember that toxic people can have depression but depressed people don't have to be toxic. Depression can make you have a low mood but you don't go out of your way to ruin someone's day (I hope).
Having suffered from depression for many years I know with myself that I was still trying my best to be a good person. Yes I was tired, scared and insecure but I was still taking responsibility and being a good person to other people. Never use depression as an excuse for shitty behaviour. Not from yourself and not from others.
A narcissist can be depressed but they are still a narcissist when they are not depressed. See the difference? With that said, we have all done things that have been bad for others and ourselves, but the first step to a happier life is to recognise whats hindering us. Therefore, admitting to having some of these traits or many, will work in your favour if you decide to work on it and change. The end result = a happier you and happier people around you.